


Euphemisms and Cherry Pie

by tryceratops



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, Thor (Movies)
Genre: F/M, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-07
Updated: 2014-04-12
Packaged: 2018-01-18 13:44:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,885
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1430665
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tryceratops/pseuds/tryceratops
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Darcy decides she needs a boyfriend. She also decides that she will be the first person to sleep with Captain America.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Cherry Pie

**Author's Note:**

> I don't really know where this came from. Steve/Darcy is my only real het ship, so here we go!

“Why do you get the guy with the abs I could chew on and I can’t even get a one night stand?”

Darcy was hunched over on the couch, painting her nails with some reality TV crap running in the background. Jane was curled up in an armchair next to her, actually trying to pay attention to the TV, but failing because of Darcy’s frequent interruptions.

“What brought that up?”

Darcy shrugged. “I dunno. But it’s totally not fair that Thor went all goo-goo eyes for you. I want a dude who looks that good.”

Jane snorted and turned the volume up on the TV, as if that would deter Darcy.

“Maybe he’ll introduce me to some of his super-friends.”

“Darcy, I’m trying to watch—“

“You don’t expect me to believe you actually give a shit about Real Housewives do you?”

Jane let out an overdramatic sigh and muted the TV. “Fine. Next time he comes by I’ll ask Thor to hook you up with another super hero.”

“Not just any one though….” She paused thoughtfully. “Captain America.”

“Captain America? Really? I don’t think he’d sympathize with your iPod troubles.”

Darcy threw a pillow at her. “Have you seen him? I would climb that man like a tree.”

“Darcy, I really don’t—“

“I would bang him like a screen door in a hurricane.”

“Darcy…”

 “I would ride him like a tractor. I’d drill him like a general. I’d bone him like a salmon—“

“That doesn’t even make sense.”

“Sure it does!”

“You don’t bone fish.”

“Yeah, well de-bone didn’t exactly make sense, so excuse me.”

Jane rolled her eyes. “Are you done?”

“I don’t know. Do you have any other good euphemisms for hot sex?”

“I’m not helping you with this.”

Darcy groaned and put the nail polish bottle down. “You’re the worst friend ever.”

“I said I’d try to get you an introduction!”

“Whatever. Turn the sound back on, let’s see what’s happening.”

Jane un-muted the TV and wrapped her blanket around her tighter. Darcy managed a whole seven minutes of silence before speaking up again.

“Oh my god do you think he’s a virgin?”

“What?”

“Captain America. Do you think he’s a virgin?”

“I… How the hell should I know?”

“Oh my god help me think of a joke about that involving cherry pie please.”

“I thought “apple pie” was the American thing?”

“Yeah, but that has nothing to do with virginity, so it totally has to be cherry.”

Jane grabbed the pillow that Darcy had thrown at her and threw it right back. Darcy ducked and just managed to dodge it.

“Would “bake his cherry pie” work?”

“I’m not answering that.”

“Eat his cherry pie sounds too much like suckin—“

“DARCY.”

“ _What_?”

“Stop it.”

“Stop what?”

“Stop talking about how much you want to sleep with Captain America.”

“But it’s so much fun.”

“Not really.”

“Buzzkill.” Darcy stuck out her tongue for good measure.

“Whatever, I’m going to go to bed.”

“Total buzzkill.”

“Good night, Darcy.”

“Have fun wallowing in your incredibly boring life choices.”

“I’m the one with a real superhero for a boyfriend.”

“Just you wait, Captain America will be aaaaall over me once I meet him. Who could say no to my charm?”

“Good night.” Jane said with a tone of finality as she firmly shut her bedroom door.

There was silence for about thirty seconds before Darcy interrupted it, yelling at Jane.

“He could guard me with that shield!”

“That’s the worst one yet!”


	2. Disappointment and Lattes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Darcy meets Steve and aims to disappoint her father by any means necessary.

It was three weeks after Darcy decided that she totally needed to sleep with Captain America that she actually got a chance to meet him. Jane had been called to New York to do something science-y and Darcy, of course, got to tag along.

Afterwards Darcy would insist that Jane had known he would be there and had not told her about it just to make Darcy extra awkward. Jane would vehemently deny this, but Darcy had no reason to believe it.

But they were in the lobby of Stark Tower as Jane was just heading to the elevator to meet with Dr. Banner and Tony Stark, Darcy following behind, hauling around a bag of Jane’s crap. They were almost at the elevator when who should exit a door just a few feet away from them but Captain Fucking America. Darcy very nearly dropped the bag when she saw him, but managed to keep her cool, right up until Jane noticed him and with an evil (EVIL!) grin, she waved him over. It only got worse when he actually did come up to her.

“Steve Rogers, right? It’s so nice to meet you, I’m Jane Foster, I’m, um, a friend of Thor’s.” She shook his hand.

Darcy tried (not very hard, but she did give it some effort) to hold back a laugh. “ _Friends_. Right.”

“It’s nice to meet you, ma’am.”

“Oh, and this is my assistant Darcy,” she gestured at her assistant, “We were actually just talking about you a couple weeks ago, I believe she said something about wanting to clim—“

Darcy dropped the bag and darted over to Jane faster than most would have thought possible, clamping a hand over her mouth and whispered harshly into her ear, “if you say _anything_ about that I will tell the entire universe about what you did last New Year’s Eve.” She held her hand over Jane’s mouth and forced a smile on and looked to Steve. “Sorry about her, she’s sleep deprived and it’s totally screwing with her memory.” She rolled her eyes. “You know how it is. Anyways, we’re here to see Stark and Banner, do you know what floor we’ll find them on?”

“They’re on forty-three, I’m actually headed up there too, if you’d like.”

Of course, it was at this point that Jane shoved Darcy off. “We’d love that, thank you.”

Darcy stepped on her foot hard just to show what she thought of that idea, but didn’t verbally protest. That would look suspicious. So instead, she picked up Jane’s bag that she’d dropped in her hurry to stop Jane from humiliating her, and followed the two to the elevator.

Once inside, the elevator was deathly silent, which made Darcy fidgety. She hated awkward silences. “So. Steve. Can I call you Steve?”

“Uh, sure, that’s fine.”

“Cool, Steve. So, just checking, are you afraid of snakes?”

Jane gave her a confused look.

“Snakes?” Steve sounded just as confused as Jane looked.

“Well, I mean with the whole fighting Nazis thing, kind of magical shit happening, it all sounds kind of like Indiana Jones stuff to me.”

Jane rolled her eyes. “Darcy—“

“What? It’s a totally legitimate question!”

“I am not afraid of snakes.”

“Damn.” She falls silent, and remains so until the thirtieth floor. “Have you ever killed anyone by shoving them into a spinning propeller on a Nazi plane?”

“ _Darcy_.” Jane sounded exasperated.

“What? It happened in Raiders. What if he lived something like Raiders? That would be so great.”

“I haven’t done that, actually.”

“Never seen the Ark of the Covenant then?”

“I haven’t…” Steve sounded rather awkward.

“Darcy, I think he doesn’t care about Indiana Jones.”

“Everyone cares about Indiana Jones.”

Jane turned to Steve. “I’m sorry about her, she’s not normally like this.”

“What the hell are you talking about, I’m totally always like this.”

Just then the door dinged open and Steve seemed to let out a sigh of relief. “Stark and Banner should be in the lab at the end of the hall.” He pointed down the hall.

“Thanks. Sorry about Darcy again.” Jane smiled and waved before dragging Darcy away.

_

 

Darcy slipped out of the meeting after about fifteen minutes of boring science talk. She’d spent enough time with Jane to know she wouldn’t be missed for at least a couple hours, and figured that was more than enough time to get herself a latte or something from Starbucks. She had no idea where the nearest Starbucks was, but she was certain that she would stumble across one within three minutes of wandering around.

When the elevator going down opened its doors for her, she almost laughed out loud at who was inside.

“Captain. Small world, huh?”

“Oh, Darcy. Is your meeting done already?”

She shrugged. “Naw. They got all sciency and I could tell I wasn’t needed.”

“You’re not interested in what they’re talking about?”

Another shrug. “I don’t _understand_ what they’re talking about. I failed my first year bio course and I haven’t taken physics since the eleventh grade.”

“Oh, I thought you were a scientist too.”

Darcy laughed. “Nope. Poli-sci. Jane was really desperate for an intern, and I was desperate for the science credits I needed to graduate. Going out with Jane for a semester was way easier than re-taking Bio 205.”

“I see.”

“And then I kind of got roped in to staying with her after the whole Thor and Friends Leveled an Entire Small Town in New Mexico fiasco, so now I’m kind of stuck. Never actually got around to finishing my degree, so getting a job is pretty much impossible. Staying with Jane means I have a place to stay and food to eat and I get to meet all these cut dudes she keeps running in to, so overall it’s not such a bad deal. Would be better if I got paid, though.”

“You don’t get paid?”

Darcy laughed. “Of course not. Unpaid internships are the way of the future. Make desperate college kids do your grunt work for free under the guise of life experience or whatever, then toss them back into the pool of the unemployed once they start getting antsy for money.”

“That sounds..”

“Exploitative? Totally is. But, like I said, I get paid in eye-candy.” She waggled her eyebrows at him for good measure, and he laughed. “Do you get paid?”

“Excuse me?”

“Does being a living legend make good cash?”

“They cover my expenses, and I still get my pension from my previous service. Lucky for me they adjusted for inflation.”

“Well then, Mr. Moneybags, you should help a poor intern out and buy me my coffee.”

He looked at her in surprise as the elevator door dinged open to the lobby.

“What? You have income, I don’t, and I want a seven dollar latte dammit. If you’re busy I’ll totally just take cash.”

She stepped out of the elevator, adjusting her purse on her shoulder. He laughed and followed her out. “Not busy at all, actually.”

“Score. Now I’ll actually have laundry money. Thanks, Stevie, you’re a total life saver.”

He raised his eyebrows at the “Stevie,” but didn’t say anything about it. “Anything to help a girl get clean laundry.”

She grinned and headed for the door. “So, where is the nearest Starbucks?”

“I… actually have no idea.” She stopped and turned to stare at him. “Are you screwing with me?”

“…No?”

“How long have been you been de-frosted here?”

“A…. bit over a year now?”

“Dude. First rule of the modern world is ‘Always know where the nearest Starbucks is.’”

“Sorry, I must have missed that memo.”

“You’re so lucky you’ve met me. I’ll set you straight.” She shook her head and muttered to herself. “Doesn’t know where the nearest Starbucks is.” She sighed, “Well, I’m sure there’s one within three blocks in any direction.” She gestured around them as she led him out the door, “so pick a direction!”

“Right, then.” He gestured down the street to their right.

They only had to walk three blocks before the glorious siren-in-a-green-circle logo. “Sweet nectar of life I have found you at last!” Darcy exclaimed as soon as she noticed the sign, immediately picking up her pace. Steve just smiled with faint amusement and picked up his pace to match.

“You know, I don’t really get the appeal of this place.”

“You what?”

“I don’t get why it’s so popular. It’s just mediocre, expensive coffee.”

“I’m pretty sure it’s heresy to say that. Keep your voice down or they’ll arrest you for that.”

“But what’s the appeal?”

She shrugged. “I can go anywhere in the world and get the exact same drink. Familiarity or whatever. Also if you have a membership card thing you get free refills on regular coffee. It’s a student’s dream come true.”

“ _Membership card?_ To a coffee shop?”

She laughed. “Yeah. You can get membership cards anywhere. Get points or whatever. Let big brother keep track of what you buy and get free shit in return. I will gladly sell my soul for free shit.” She shrugged.

“I don’t get it.”

“Yeah, well don’t hurt yourself thinking about it. It’s just the way things are.” She waved him off as she walked up to the counter to order, looking over her shoulder at him. “You want anything?”

“Just a… regular coffee, please.”

She rolled her eyes. “Totally boring. I’ll get a caramel latte please. Boy toy’s paying.” She gestured to him with her thumb and stepped off to the side to let him pay.

Steve was just getting his change back when her phone began to ring, She swore under her breath and fished through her purse until she managed to find it. Jane calling. Busted. She ignored the call and fired off a text instead. “Out on a date with my climbable tree. Do not disturb unless dying.”  She switched her ringer to vibrate and looked up at Steve who had come to join her. “Hey bro, thanks for the coffee by the way. Totally appreciate it.” She gestured in the general direction of the barista who was making her drink.

“No problem. Like I said, anything to help a girl with her laundry.”

She grinned. “Right, so is this a sit down and chat thing, or do you have to get back?”

“I don’t have anything to do. What about you, was the call important?”

She waved her hand. “Naw, just Jane. Probably noticed I’m playing hooky. Someone will bring up Einstein-Rosen-whatevers soon and she’ll forget about me for another hour.” She shrugged and wandered over to a free table, plunking herself down and dropping her purse in it with a thunk.

“So.” He sat down across from her, “You know Thor?”

“Yeah. He and Jane are kind of love bunnies. I helped him save the world once or twice too, nbd.”

“NBD?”

“No big deal.” She grinned. “Come on, get with it.”

“People didn’t speak in acronyms in my day.”

She rolled her eyes. “Sure they did. You were in the military. ETA, MIA, ASAP, VD, whatever.” She sipped her coffee, “We’ve just brought it in to everyday expressions.”

“I guess I hadn’t thought of that.”

“Right? See, that’s the problem with older generations, is you all just have nothing better to do but whine about us “millenials” or whatever, totally ignoring they all did the same shit we do, just with less technology. Everything was better in the old days my ass.” She rolled her eyes, “At least I have basic human rights now.”

“And no polio.” Steve offered.

“I know right? No smallpox either. Or measles! And then they go and get all these social benefits and earn all this money and then totally destroy the economy for my generation so no one can even get a job at McDonalds, and they whine about how we’re all a bunch of spoiled brats.”

“You seem passionate about this.”

“My dad is the loudest whiner of the entire baby boomer generation. When I told him I was dropping out of school to keep on my unpaid internship with Jane, I swear he nearly shit himself.” She grinned, “It wasn’t worse than the time I told him I was majoring in poli-sci instead of engineering though. I’m pretty sure that made him write me out of his will.” She laughs.

“He did that?”

“What, the will part? I don’t think so. He thinks arts degrees are totally useless though, said I was going to be leeching off the state my whole life if I did that.” She shrugs, “And here I am, accepting charity from Captain America. Looks like he wasn’t far off after all.” She grins at him.

“Helping girls disappoint their fathers is my second favourite thing to do after helping them with their laundry.”

“Hey, look at that, he has a sense of humour after all!”

“Who said I didn’t?”

She shrugged, “History books. You’re always some super serious dude, not the kind of guy who would take pleasure in helping girls disappoint their fathers.”

“Well, I’m offended they overlooked that part of my personality.”

“Clearly you just didn’t try hard enough. I’m sure if you got some unmarried girl knocked up they’d have been all over that.”

Steve very nearly choked on his coffee. “Excuse me?”

“What? Unmarried, pregnant girl in the 40s, total disappointment to her family. Unfortunately for you, we don’t have unwed mothers houses anymore so if you try any of that now there will be nowhere to secret her away to.”

“I…. I promise you I have no intention of…. Doing _that_.”

“Why, captain, are you blushing?”

“I…”

“Oh, just imagine my father’s face if I told him his liberal arts major dropout daughter was pregnant with Captain America’s baby, oh god, it would be beautiful.” She pretended to wipe a tear from her eye.

Steve was rather red in the face and very obviously avoiding looking Darcy in the eye.

“You all caught up on Madonna?”

“E-excuse me?” The sudden topic change clearly caught him completely off guard.

“Madonna. Boob cones, all that stuff?”

“I… don’t think so?”

“She’s a singer. Was most popular in the 80s, still sticks around sometimes. Kissed Britney Spears a few years back.”

“I see, I’ll… add it to the list, I guess. What brought this on?”

“Just look up one of her songs. ‘Papa Don’t Preach.’” You’ll figure out the connection.”

“…Right.” He pulled a small notebook out of his pocket and wrote it down.

“Awww, you actually have a notebook to write all this down in?”

He looked up from it and shrugged, still looking a bit embarrassed. “It’s the only way to keep track of everything.”

“That’s so cute. Steve’s handy-dandy notebook.” She grinned and took a long sip of her latte. “Mister Rogers.”

“Yes?”

“No, do you know about Mister Rogers?”

“I….. should I?”

“Oh my god write it down. That will totally have to be your Halloween costume this year.”

“Mister… Rogers.” He looked at his notebook and sighed as he wrote it down. “Anything else?”

“Give me time, I’ll come up with stuff.”

Steve finished his coffee and set the cup on the table, leaning back in his seat. Darcy, of course, decided to take full advantage of his apparent relaxation.

“So you’re totally sure there are no little seventy year old Steves running around today? Or slightly younger grandbaby Steves?”

He gave her a look that appeared to be a combination of horror and exasperation. “Completely sure.”

“Completely completely sure?”

“Yes.”

She grinned. “Because no one’s baked your cherry pie yet?”

“ _What?_ ”

“Totally called it.”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“Don’t worry about it. I know what I’m talking about and that’s all that really matters.”

“You are completely baffling.”

“I try.” She smiled sweetly and downed the rest of her latte, setting the cup down on the table much harder than necessary. “Ah, everything tastes better when it’s free.”

“Well, I’m glad you enjoyed it.”

“Thanks again, bud, you’re seriously a life saver.”

“Always happy to help, ma’am.”

She grinned at him. “You’re adorable. Shit.” Her phone was buzzing off in the bottom of her bag again. She plunged in, sifting through layers of crap until she found it. Jane again. She sighed and picked up, holding up a finger to Steve and mouthing ‘just a minute’.

“Jane, I told you, I’m busy. Are you dying?”

“Not dying, done with my meeting.”

“What?” Darcy looked at her watch, “That was only like, an hour and a half, tops.”

“Get back here so we can leave.”

“Thaaaaat’s not really going to work for me.”

“Why not? Where are you?”

“Oh, you know, trying to further disappoint my father by getting impregnated by Captain America.” It was very lucky Steve had already finished his coffee, because, going by the look on his face, he would’ve had a spit-take otherwise. Jane was used to this though, and carried right on.

“Well, that’s going to have to late. I have somewhere I have to go. Captain America will be available for, how did you put it, ‘de-boning,’ another day.”

“I hate you.”

“Get back here.”

“I want a raise.”

“You don’t even get paid.”

“I want to get paid.”

“Well good luck trying to make that happen.”

“You’re the worst boss ever.”

“I’ll see you back here in ten minutes, Darcy.”

“No seriously, you are actually the literal wor—“ The phone cut out and she pulled it away from her ear just to stick her tongue out at it before tossing it back into her purse and then looking up at Steve with an exasperated look. “Duty calls.”

“Well, I’ll walk you back.”

“Thanks dude.” She grinned and stood up, gathering all her things together and adjusting her glasses on her face. Steve stood up as well and grabbed both their empty cups to toss in the trash on their way out. Once they were outside, Darcy snaked her arm through Steve’s. He looked down at it, but didn’t comment. She just grinned back up at him. “So, you totally have to call me, just so you know.”

“I do.”

“Yeah. You clearly need my good influence if you’re going to make it in this day and age. Gimme your phone.”

“I’ll do it once we’re back.”

“Dude, if you think I hadn’t mastered texting while walking by the time I was sixteen, you are sorely mistaken. Gimme your phone.”

He sighed and pulled it out of his pocket and handed it over to her.

“Not even password protected.” She whistled, “You know, we don’t really do things on the honour system anymore.”

He shrugged. “I don’t keep any important information on there anyways.”

She fooled around with it for a few seconds and offered it back to him. “Well, now you have my number in there, and that’s sure as hell important, so you’d better guard it with your life.”

He laughed. “Will do.”

The rest of the walk back to Stark Tower was amicable enough, and Darcy was rather sorry it had to be over. She parted from Steve with a casual goodbye and a promise that he would strongly regret it if he didn’t call her soon.

Jane was silent in the cab on the way to the hotel. Darcy had managed to mostly chatter herself out with Steve. It wasn’t until they were back in their hotel room that Jane broke the silence.

“So, how was your impromptu date on work time?”

“Well, I don’t get paid, so I don’t think it’s really work time…”

“You know what I mean.”

“It was good. I’m totally going to get a second one.”

“You think so?”

“Of course. And then I’m going to be the first girl to get laid by Captain America.” She grinned. Jane rolled her eyes and gestured to the scattered devices spread out on the desk of their hotel room. “Well, until you get your booty call, you should get to work.”

She rolled her eyes and did a mock salute. “Yes ma’am.”

“Oh look, he’s already taught you manners!”

The pen Darcy threw at her from the desk widely missed its mark, but Jane seemed to get the message anyways.


	3. The Shakedown

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Date number two involves movies. And more disappointing Darcy's father. What else could you really expect?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Second last part! I'd originally just intended this to be a stupid one-shot and somehow it grew totally out of control. I have everything written, so I should have the last chapter up in the next couple days!

It took Steve three days to call Darcy. If she didn’t know better, she would have thought he was following the “three day rule,” but instead she passed it off as coincidence.

She was out at a sketchy diner, drinking coffee and eating some rather greasy hash browns when her phone rang. She picked it up off the table and stared it down for a few seconds, the fork in her other hand halfway to her mouth. It was an unknown number and her first instinct was to ignore it, but then she remembered giving Steve her number, so she dropped her fork and answered it instead.

“Oh captain, my captain!” She answered, praying it really was him.

“Darcy?”

“The one and only.” She pulled her phone away from her face and let out a soft victory cry. Totally him. Phone back to ear.

“It’s, uh, Steve. Steve Rogers.”

“Yeah, I got that. The ‘Oh captain, my captain’ didn’t give that away?”

“Right, sorry. So, you… wanted me to call?”

“Well, I’m always interested in seeing a man again if it gets me free coffee.”

“Oh. Well, if you want to do it again sometime… I…. had fun.”

She was so lucky there was no one around to see the shit-eating grin on her face. “I had fun too. Let’s up the ante a bit this time though, and make it lunch.”

“Lunch. Lunch sounds good.”

“Awesome. Me and Jane are only in town for another week, so if you want time for a third date, this one’d better be soon.”

There was a pause on the other end of the line and Darcy quietly cringed, worried she’d somehow managed to scare him off.

“How about tomorrow.” The response finally came. Her grin came right on back.

“Tomorrow sounds great. Any cool local places you want to show me?”

“I think I can come up with something.”

“Cool. Pick me up at 11?”

“I—“

“I don’t actually remember the name of my hotel, but Tony’s covering it, so ask him for the info.”

“Okay. Great. I’ll, uh, see you tomorrow, then.”

“Sounds good. See you there, Stevie.”

She disconnected the call and looked down at her plate of hash browns, grinning almost maniacally to herself.

\--  
Steve was very prompt, picking her up right at 11 the next morning. Darcy was waiting in front of her hotel, headphones in her ears, chewing some spearmint gum. She snapped a bubble as soon as she saw him ride up on his motorcycle. She pulled her headphones out of her ears and sauntered up to him. “Well damn, mister, if my dad was dead, he’d be rolling in his grave right now. Nice wheels.”

“Thanks.” He wasn’t wearing a helmet, but he had one ready for her, and held it out to her.

“What, I have to wear one and you don’t?”

“You’re not Captain America.”

Darcy rolled her eyes, but took the helmet. “You should be leading by example.”

“I’ll take that under advisement.”

She pulled her hair back into a loose ponytail, fastening it with an elastic band from her wrist, and then pulled the helmet down on top of it. “All ready to go.” She knocked on the top of the helmet to drive the point home.

“Looks good.” He smiled at her.

She rolled her eyes. “Save it, Captain.” She got onto the bike behind him and edged up until she was pressed right up to him, her arms wrapped tight around his waist.

“Hanging on?”

“Couldn’t pry me off if you tried, bud.”

“Alright, here we go.”

He rode off rather quickly, and Darcy’s grip around his waist tightened and she squealed in his ear as they went.

The restaurant he took her to was a small, hole in the wall diner. It was definitely nothing to look at, very run down and looking like it hadn’t had a new coat of paint in about half a century. The only other patrons were three old men drinking coffee at a table across the restaurant. The two of them grabbed a seat at a booth near the door, covered in cracked vinyl. Darcy looked around as they slid into the booth, trying not to let her skepticism show.

“It’s good, I promise.”

Apparently not doing such a good job at keeping it hidden.

“How the hell did you even find this place?”

“I actually came here when it first opened.”

“When the hell was that, nineteen twenty five?”

“Forty one, actually.”

“Oh. Seriously?” She looked around again. Steve nodded.

“I was pretty surprised to find it still open when I… got back.”

“Doesn’t look like they’ll stay open much longer.”

“I don’t know, they have a pretty loyal customer base.”

“Do they all remember when it first opened?” She gestured with her head to the three old guys. Steve laughed.

“I wouldn’t be surprised.”

“Well, thanks for sharing some of your mysterious history with me.” She grinned and grabbed a menu out of a holder at the edge of the table. “So, what do you recommend? I totally want the authentic Steve’s Youth Experience.”

“That wouldn’t be possible. The Authentic Steve’s Youth Experience never involved women.”

She laughed. “Alright, a _mostly_ Authentic Steve’s Youth Experience then.”

“The burgers are still pretty good. Not as good as they used to be, but that’s to be expected.”

“Ah yes, everything going downhill these days.”

“Just changed the sauce, actually. I think their manufacturer changed the recipe or went out of business or something.”

“Well that sucks, they’re just chipping away at my possibility of having a truly authentic experience, aren’t they?”

Steve laughed, “It’s all a conspiracy, isn’t it?”

“Totally. Now that they know I know though, they’re going to come for me. Just wait, some jack-booted thugs are going to come storming through that door any second now.”

“Don’t worry, I’ll protect you.”

“A true hero.” She grinned.

A waitress came and took their orders—two burgers with milkshakes—and left them again to their own devices.

“So, Stevie, tell me about yourself.”

 “What do you mean?”

Darcy shrugged. “I dunno, I talked most of the time yesterday, now it’s your turn. What are your goals, aspirations, thoughts on reality TV, what’s your sign, whatever.”

“I wanted to go to art school.”

Darcy eyed him carefully. “You’re screwing with me.”

“Nope. Totally serious.”

“Seriously?”

He nodded. “Never wound up making it, the war and all.”

“Were you any good?”

“At art?”

She nodded.

“I dunno, I guess.”

“What did you do? Painting, sculpture, collage, what?”

“Drawing mostly. I’d like to paint too, but I couldn’t really afford it.”

“No way.”

“What?”

“Captain America, the artist.”

He laughed. “Yeah, I guess it sounds a bit ridiculous when you put it like that.”

Darcy shrugged. “I think it’s cute.”

“You do?”

“Sure.”

“Well, uh, thanks?”

“But you know, now you have a certain obligation…”

“To what?”

“To draw me like one of your French girls.” She grinned. He just stared blankly at her. “Titanic? Leonardo DiCaprio? Kate Winslet?” He still looked totally blank. Darcy just shook her head. “You’ve got to add that to your list.”

“Right. Mind explaining it in the meantime?”

“Abridged version, sure. The movie itself is like four hours long. But anyways, poor dude on the Titanic falls in love with rich girl on Titanic, he’s an artist who draws nudes of French girls and she decides she wants him to draw one of her. And then the boat sinks and he dies.”

“Well that’s… depressing.”

She shrugged. “A film that defined a generation or some shit. Anyways, the point is, you totally have to draw me.” She caught the blush crawling up his cheeks. “Doesn’t have to be nude, don’t worry. Unless you’re into that.” She grinned and waggled her eyebrows.

“I think I’ll pass. Not that I don’t think you’re--- I just mean—I don’t think it would be really… uh--  
“

He stopped when he heard her snickering. “Dude, I was totally just screwing with you. Nudes are totally a fifth date thing.”

“Ah. Right.” Lucky for Steve, their milkshakes arrived right then, giving him a perfect excuse to avoid any further conversation on the topic. Darcy let the silence sit for a while, giving him a chance to recover, (and giving her a chance to taste the milkshake, which she decides is rather tasty), before she dove back in. To safer territory, at least.

“So, art school. You ever think of trying to go now?”

“No, I haven’t really given it much thought.”

“Why not? It’d give you something to do during the days. Granted, it would probably also totally dry out your bank account in like three months.”

“I’ve just been… distracted. Overwhelmed, trying to take everything in, figure out what I’ve missed. And then there were aliens and I just… I don’t know. It’s just been a really low priority for me.”

“Well, I’ve got it in your head now. You could go to some small art school in Kansas and pull a whole Clark Kent thing.”

Steve chuckled under his breath. “I think that’s the first reference you’ve made that I’ve actually gotten.”

She grinned. “Well there we go, common ground!”

“Finally.”

She shrugs. “I’m just helping you add to your list with all my witty references though.”

“Witty?”

“Totally. Jane would call them smart-ass, but witty sounds way better.”

“I think Jane may be right on this one.”

Darcy kicked him under the table. “You’re supposed to be on my side.”

“Says who?”

“Uh, me?”

“Ah, well, my apologies then.”

“Damn straight.” She sighed, “Honestly, the things I have to go through to keep the men in my life in line.” She shook her head, “So, aside from art school, what else should I know about you?”

He shrugged. Darcy rolled her eyes yet again. “Fine, I’ll interrogate you.” She paused as their waitress returned with their meals, and she eyed the food carefully. It looked pretty good coming from such a sketchy diner. She picked up a fry and pointed at Steve with it. “Favourite movie.” She popped the fry into her mouth.

 Steve paused thoughtfully. “Well, I was always a fan of the Wizard of Oz…”

“Oh come on, that’s a total copout. Favourite _modern_ movie.”

“I…”

“If you say The Notebook I’m walking out that door.” She gestured to the entrance behind her.

“Haven’t actually seen that one.”

“Good.”

“I think I’d probably have to say Up…”

“Seriously?”

“Seriously.”

Darcy broke out into a grin. “That is completely adorable.” Steve rolled his eyes, totally trying not to blush. “So are you all caught up on Disney and Pixar? Seen all the classics?”

“I haven’t watched everything, but I’ve been watching some… What are the classics?”

“Lion King. Little Mermaid. Beauty and the Beast…”

“Seen all those.”

“Good. Toy Story?” He nodded. She grinned. “The Incredibles?”

“Haven’t seen that one.”

“Dude you have to oh my god. It’s about superheroes.”

“I’ll—“

“Add it to the list.” She finished for him with a grin before digging into her burger.

Steve smiled at her and watched her fondly for a couple seconds before he started eating too.

“You’re right, this is pretty damn good.”

“I told you.”

“I bet the cockroaches give it extra flavour.”

“I don’t think they’d be allowed to stay open if they were cooking with cockroaches.”

“Clearly you’ve never watched Kitchen Nightmares.”

“What is that?”

“Gordon Ramsay, a professional asshole and professional chef, goes around to restaurants and yells at people for having shitty service or shitty hygiene. Tons of those restaurants have cockroaches all over. It’s totally possible.”

“Well that’s… disgusting.”

“Is it really any worse that military rations though?”

He laughed. “No, I guess it’s really not.”

“See? Always look on the bright side.”

“The bright side of cockroaches in my food. You can really spin anything, can’t you?”

She just grinned in response.

The rest of their lunch was spent between comfortable silences and casual banter, and it wasn’t long before their dishes were cleared away and Steve was pulling out his wallet to pay the bill.

“Thanks again for this, Stevie. They say the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach, but the truth is that the way to Darcy’s heart is the same, though mostly with free food.”

“Well, I must be pretty close to your heart by now.” He blushed faintly as he said it.

She grinned. “Oh, I think you might be.” She patted his shoulder. “Now, to the CapMobile, Jane will kill me if I don’t actually get work done this afternoon.”

“Right. After you.”

_____

Darcy got back to the hotel with only helmet hair and a stupid grin to show from the date. But when she got back into the room, she immediately had to start harassing Jane. Of course, her experience with Jane had taught her that she had to do it indirectly. So instead of poking Jane on the shoulder incessantly, she flopped down onto her bed and let out a loud, pathetic groan. She didn’t get a response so she groaned again, longer and louder. It took doing it twice more before Jane finally responded.

“What is it, Darcy?”

“I fucked up.”

“Not my data, I hope.”

“No, not your stupid data.”

“Good.”

“Jaaaaaaaaaaane.”

“What?”

“He’s really sweet.”

“Who?”

“Captain America.”

“What does that have to do with you fucking up?”

“I just wanted to get laid, but now I like, actually like him.”

“Still don’t see how that’s fucking up.”

“Because it makes it all so complicated. Now I can’t just fuck and run without feeling awful.”

“So don’t.”

“So what, I try to get into a long distance relationship with Captain Fucking America?”

“Don’t complain. At least he’d still be on the same planet as you.”

“…Point taken.”

             


	4. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Darcy accomplishes one of her goals. But only one.

Darcy saw Steve a few more times in her remaining five days in the city. They went out to various restaurants, museums, shops, and parks. She found a Thai restaurant to take him to after she found out it was on his list, he took her to the Met and actually managed to keep her interested in old art, which usually bored her to tears.

The five days passed quickly, but Jane was accommodating and didn’t nag her too much about actually doing work, leaving more time open for Darcy to spend with Steve. She didn’t wind up getting her sex, though she did snag three quick kisses by the end of her stay in the city.

He didn’t come with her to the airport either; Darcy had assured him that that would be weird. He stopped by the hotel the morning they left, before they checked out instead.

“You’d totally better call me.” She told him, using her best threatening tone. “And don’t think you can leave for two years and expect me to give a fuck about you, because unlike Jane over there, I’m not a total pushover.”

“I heard that!” Jane yelled. Darcy just shrugged.

“Right. Well, this was… nice.”

“Just nice?” She smiled sweetly.

“Pretty nice.”

She raised her eyebrows expectantly.

“Great?” He tried. She nodded, accepting that one.

“You can come visit me, you know. I have a super comfy couch you can crash on. And a double bed, if you’d prefer.” She grinned. “Or if you want to help me on my eternal quest to disappoint my father, you can totally visit my family at Thanksgiving. But fair warning, if you do, I’m totally telling them we’re having a shotgun wedding. Or we’ve already eloped, I haven’t quite decided yet.”

He laughed. “I’ll keep in touch. Let me know what you need from me.”

“Well, first I’m going to need you to get snapchat, because I just don’t know how long I can go without seeing that face of yours.”

He gave her a mock salute. “I’ll get right on it.”

“Good boy.” She grinned and leaned up to kiss him on the cheek. He took the initiative for once to turn it into a proper kiss, and she came away smiling stupidly. “See you around, dude.”

He nodded. “Have a safe flight.”

\---

Darcy pulled her purse out from under the seat in front of her once the seatbelt light was off, and unzipped it to dig around for her iPod, only to be surprised at a folded up piece of paper mixed in with her things. She was fairly certain it hadn’t been there when she was packing. The paper itself was fairly heavy, clearly of good quality. She looked around as if she was doing something she shouldn’t be, and then carefully unfolded the paper in her lap.

It was an incredibly well-done pencil drawing of her, from the shoulders up. She stared at it for a while, amazed at the detail in it. It was _good_. He’d even gotten the small designer logo on the side of her glasses.

When she was done staring, she flipped it over. On the back was a short note. “I’ve never drawn any French girls, so this is the best you get. Hope to see you again soon. –Steve.”

She re-read the message a good four times before carefully refolding the paper into quarters and then leaning back into her seat with a stupid grin on her face. Jane looked over a couple minutes later while she was still smiling like that.

“What’s got you?”

Darcy looked over at her in surprise, and then grinned again.

“I’m totally dating Captain America.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much for sticking along for the ride!


End file.
